I woke up with the sun today, which isn’t earth-shattering but out of character since my day typically starts around 8:30 a.m.
And yet, my eyes cracked open at 4:40 a.m. Erggh.
Nervous excitement?
Anxious trepidation?
A need to pee?
Yup, all of that. Today is my first official day back to “work” since hitting pause in May.
Since then, I…
- Hiked in Arches National Park in Moab, UT
- Jammed with the Langan Band at the Telluride Bluegrass Festival in Telluride, CO
- Loved every minute of seeing Fantastic Cat at the Caramoor Festival in Katonah, NY
- Stuffed my face with High Roller lobster rolls in Portland, ME
I was on vacation, baby!
But I was also dealing with the uncertainty of my dad’s health since his triple-bypass surgery and subsequent leg paralysis. He’s recovering but learning to walk again.
I’m also on standby waiting to hear when my grandmother will be admitted to hospice. She has had Alzheimer’s for the last few years but recently fell, breaking her hip, which required three emergency surgeries. Understandably, she’s tired and likely ready to rest easy.
I shuttered several projects because I lacked the emotional bandwidth to continue them, which made me question my self-worth and value.
To say I woke up today worried and anxious is an understatement.
Despite having the time and resources to travel for several weeks, no amount of money or outward success will heal my dad and grandma or give them more time.
We chase $5k months and accolades to what end?
Look’a here… no shade. I’m ambitious, too, but my priorities are shifting.
I’m not suggesting that striving to earn a living somehow impedes the heartbreaking eventuality of losing loved ones.
I don’t have answers, but I share this for several reasons:
- Some things are more important than money.
- Life hurts. I’m hurting but still fighting.
- Smiles often hide pain, so please be kind.
- Reconnect (rededicate) to your why.
- Value and self-worth are subjective.
At the end of my days, I hope people remember me for being kind, generous with my time, and helpful. How about you?
